you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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