Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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