Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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