I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
