the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
