i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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