please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
