Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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