So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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