so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
