Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
