Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
