U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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