i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
