if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
