i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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