Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
