I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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