my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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