Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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