i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
