hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
