Buhtt sex?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
