All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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