May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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