Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
