If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
