i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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