Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
