I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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