We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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