She is in my trunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
