It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
