We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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