My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
3 2 1 whiskey
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
