you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
