It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
