You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
