Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
