you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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