Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
