I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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