I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
