..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
