She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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