I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
