well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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