I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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