Can i not drive my cunt home
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
