Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
