Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
party gras won. party gras always wins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
