i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
