After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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